5 Steps to a Life Partner
Once I got serious in finding a life partner, I found there were five steps I took before committing.
Life Partners
1. Good : noun-that which is morally right; righteousness; adverb-to be desired or approved of.
Love cannot be put in a box, but there are stepping stones to point us in the right direction. One of those is to observe those around us. We’ve all done this in school and to those of us who attended college-in college. We take notice of those around us. We see how they act and conduct themselves. According to our interests ( I don’t pretend to define all-just mine) I become attracted to certain individuals. I see how they dress, how they talk, how they interact with those around them and am drawn to get to know them better, if circumstances allow.
2. Knowledge: noun-facts, information, and skills acquired by a person through experience or education.
Becoming attracted to some individuals more than others makes me become more aware of when I am around them. It also motivates me to put myself into situations where I can interact or observe, in a closer fashion, the individual(s). In that way I increase my knowledge of their skills and facts about their lifestyle and world view.
3. Self-control: the ability to control one’s emotions and behavior in the face of temptations and impulses. As an executive function, self-control is a cognitive process that is necessary for regulating one’s behavior in order to achieve goals.
The ability to combine the objective and subjective in exercising self-control is an attraction in itself. Who can predict the exact measure of mixing these two that captivates us in another. It varies with the individuals.
4. Mutual affection: no definition needed for this one. Once you have gotten to this point in the relationship there can be no ‘going on’ if there is not a mutual attraction.
5. Love: I prefer agape love – the highest form of love, charity; the love of God for man and of man for God. Not to be confused with ‘phileo-brotherly love. Agape embraces a universal, unconditional love that transcends that – serves regardless of circumstances.
I always found that the true test of this type of love in a life partner embraced one word – giving. Once the relationship gets to this point one of two things happens: a) one or the other finds they don’t want to give any more ( I don’t mean sexually-I mean it is now tiresome and the spark is gone), or b) and this happened with my wife an me – you both are mutually willing to give in the relationship whatever it takes to make it work – I mean ‘both’, not just one dominating the other. This becomes even more important later on, when children enter the union.
That’s it. That is what I have to offer when looking for a life partner – and this coming from a single person who was going to remain a bachelor, have a cottage in Cape Cod with an Irish Setter, but ended up being blessed with a life-long-partner and three children.
How about you? Does this connect or disconnect with you?
