Relationships – Value

Do you assign value to relationships and if you do, what values do you hold as higher than others?

How do I value relationships?

Two definitions of value are: a) the regard that something is held to deserve; the  importance, worth, or usefulness of something, and b) a person’s principles or standards of behavior, one’s judgement of what is important in life.

Applying this to our daily relationships the question arises: what is the importance or worth of the people I interact with? Am I using them for my personal gain, or am I genuinely attracted to their character and disposition. Do you value a relationship for what they can do for you, or for what you can do for them?

Marriage can be an example. When dating my wife, many questions were raised in my mind as we spent time together. Of course, I had dated others before my wife. I had arrived at the conclusion, before I proposed, we would agree if we met another that attracted us, we would tell each other and that would end the ‘going steady’ aspect of our relationship. That never happened with my wife and we did get married. With others, in my dating, there arrived a time when either myself, or the one I was dating would stop giving. That became my criteria for knowing our relationship would last – as well as a shared faith in God, of course.

In another example, I am passionate about tennis. It became my life’s work and I have taught in many and varied situations. Teaching parents children is usually challenging. Most parents care deeply how their kids are doing and progressing. Tennis costs money – a lot of money if you are going to be good. One day a ‘Wall Streeter’ came to me and handed me $500 cash to take his son on as a student. It was unusual to offer that with no receipt in return. Later his checks bounced, so I knew why he offered cash in the beginning.  As I progressed with his son, it became very clear that he saw his son in one way, and one way only – as an investment. He wanted his son to become a professional tennis player and make a ton of money. The other aspects of father – son were never there. I could write a book on how much hurt that boy went through and how much I invested my own time in him, but the purpose here is to put either an a or b value, or in some instances, a combination of a and b, on the people in our lives. Become more aware. Are we using this person for our own gain, or do I respect their character and put more trust in them.

Without human interaction what kind of  life would a single human live? What value do you put on the lives around you?

Resolutions and relationships have two things in common – duplicity and integrity.

Duplicity or Integrity

The start of a New Year brings an aura of freshness – a new beginning and new resolutions, the most common probably being to lose weight and make new relationships, or we vow to be a better friend or spouse.

During the holidays, which begin with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and end with the New Year, food and drink are a huge part of celebrating. When January begins and we wake up New Years day, things have a way of looking different and we want to do something about it – change something.

Let’s pick an ‘easy’ one and start with losing weight. The first week goes by, then the second. Work becomes work and the long days of winter start to have their effect. We come home one evening after a particularly hard day, or week, and food and drink beckon. The resolve weakens and the roller coaster begins.

Relationships have the same quality as resolutions. We start with the intent of positive interaction and communication. As we get on in the relationship it can change. We start to see the negatives instead of keeping with the positives. It is natural as you get to know someone to see the negatives. As ‘self ‘ stops being satisfied with the positives, we can begin to let the negatives overtake the relationship and duplicity raises it head. The relationship falters and something that started out with brightness and hope begins to fade.

In both resolutions and relationships, often times we don’t mean to let duplicity enter into our original decision. That is where integrity enters in. Integrity is being honest with oneself. It guides us and allows us to accept ourselves and others with the strengths and weaknesses we all have. In so doing we resolve to help ourself as well (by getting back to losing that weight).

‘The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” Proverbs 11:3

What would you rather be known as? The tougher road is to be ‘upright’. Are you up for it?

New Years resolutions come and go with each passing year. New Years diet resolutions come and go with each passing year.

A pan filled with Hungarian Goulash simmering on the stove.

If you want to write a best seller do some research and come up with a diet plan that you can sell. Every year more books come out either selling a diet pill or a change of diet that will shed pounds off your body.

My Grandfather homesteaded from North Dakota to Unity, Saskatchewan where he settled on a section of land. He raised cattle, horses, pigs, chickens, and had a nice plot of land where he planted a garden with all fresh vegetables. He had an ice house to store the ice blocks cut out of the creek when it froze in the winter. Our diet consisted of farm fresh food. The cattle were grass fed and finished. He hand milked the heifers, churned his own butter and ice cream. The chickens and turkeys roamed free in the farm yard till they either quit laying eggs or were needed for a meal. The pigs were fed the left overs from the milk, potato and carrot peels, etc.

Nowadays, the cattle, chickens, pigs, and turkeys are fed hormones, antibiotics, and grain to fatten them up and keep from infections. The vegetables and grains have been mutated to grow faster and bigger. Vegetables are  grown in chemically enhanced and over used soil, then infused with coloring to enhance their look. Our bodies are wonderfully created to adapt to these changes, but not without some repercussions which may manifest themselves in our daily lives.

More organic foods and grass fed and finished meats are being offered, as concerns are rising more and more over antibiotic and hormone fed meats, along with genetically changed and color enhanced vegetables.

Have you given thought to the foods you are consuming and how they are affecting your health? I have found a difference in my energy levels and vital statistics with my change in diet. Rather than a lab produced pill, or genetically changed food product, entertain the change to a more natural diet plan.

Pureness – snow – faith – ‘Christ’mas

Experiencing the pure white snow falling on Christmas eve, or Christmas day, is a wonderful experience. With the celebration of Christ’s birth on December 25th, is also the experience of pure faith as put forth in Isaiah 1:18, “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow…’.

A landscape of countryside and trees with a covering of snow.

Pureness – Snow

Having grown up in a climate where the winter months average 20 degree F, I have experienced many times the first true snow fall of winter. It is awe inspiring, starting many times in the evening and building to a height of one, two, sometimes three feet over the next day or two. You know the earth will not be seen again until the spring.

There is no wind. The flakes are large, fluffy and soft. They fall past the street lamps, alighting softly, quietly, giving the appearance of a new,pure white carpet being laid. The familiar sounds we are so accustomed to hearing – a car going by, the echo of voices, etc.- are slowly dampened as the carpet thickens. The purity of whiteness the snowflakes show forth is overwhelming. A quietness creeps over us. What has been a noisy, dirt covered environment has been transformed into a pure, white, quiet place. A peace falls over and around us. When this kind of snowfall happens on Christmas eve or day, it is unique.

The Nativity Scene

Pureness of Faith

Christmas is the celebration of Christ’s birth – His coming to earth as a final revelation of God’s love to mankind. Christ is the centre of my faith. The account of his arrival, as read in Luke speaks truth to me. The visual of the angels, shepherds and flocks on the hillside to the manger scene and the wise men brings joy and peace to my heart. As a choice, do I believe it – yes, I do. Just as the white of the snow covers the earth giving it a new look, so belief in the arrival of the Messiah and his work in me – “…though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow….” Isaiah 1:18 gives me a new life and new hope.

It is my prayer you would find joy and peace in celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ at this time of year. If not, please consider the truth this time of year brings to the world.

success or failure?

Your passion started a successful endeavor and it is on the right path. Your efforts are being realized in a positive way – only to take a steep downward turn. All the risk you’ve put into building a successful venture is on the verge of collapse.

Early in my coaching career I coached a junior tennis player who had achieved a #2 ranking in the National 12&U’s. In our first lesson, after returning from a National Indoor tournament in Chicago, I confronted David with what I had observed in his behavior during his match play.

“David, I noticed a pattern emerging on your line calls. When the ball was good,but close to the line, on game and set points, you called them out. Was that on purpose?”

David replied,”My dad said that was okay and told me to do it.

What to do:

1. Pinpoint the problem – in this case, David’s dad, a prominent successful lawyer.
2. Get to the source of the problem – I made a lunch appointment with David’s dad to discuss his decision to tell David it was okay to call balls out, that were in, on key points.
3. Work out a solution – in my case, David’s dad would not give in. I gave him a month, then informed him I could no longer coach David. I believed strongly that David was accepting less than what he could achieve by not cheating.

David went to another coach. He made the Junior David Cup squad and got a full ride to Pepperdine. At an international 18&U tennis tournament, in Repentigny, Quebec, I sat beside the court where David was playing the #1 seed from Italy. David was up 6-3 in the first set tiebreak and serving. Upon serving, the #2 seed’s return ‘kissed’ the back of the line on David’s side-David called it out-was over ruled by the chair umpire-lost the tie break 8-6 and the next set 6-0.

I couldn’t correct my ‘deck of cards’ when it started to fall. Have you encountered a similar failure or success? Were these steps helpful in your process? Please share in the comments.